I Can’t Wait to Meet Myself

As I continue my daily journey of self-uncovery, facing the ongoing realities of how much my personality still controls my thoughts and actions and what I pay attention to, I wonder now and again what it will be like when I fully live from my spirit instead of from my mind. That is to say, when I finally meet my true self.

I have caught glimpses of her here and there, most often when I am quiet and still. She is calm and whole, totally without fear, resting in a universe that is kind and welcoming. She loves fully and easily. She has no fear, no worry, no regret, no anticipation. She exists in the perfect now of God’s eternity.

When I am in that state, it feels like how I feel when I am in God’s presence. That is not a coincidence, I have discovered. When I first started being quiet and still, my goal was not to be “religious” or to pray; it was just to observe the thoughts that distracted me from being present and to try to train my mind to stop having so many thoughts. As I practiced this daily, I eventually began to feel that familiar feeling of being in God’s presence while in prayer.

Does that mean I think I’m God? Certainly not! What I think it means is that it’s an example of how we are partakers of the divine nature (2 Peter 1:4). When we find our true selves, we find that God is there. When we agree that Jesus came into the world to restore man’s relationship to God, the Holy Spirit raises our spirits from the dead. Our spirits had been dormant, muscled out of the picture by our minds, where the sin nature hangs out. When our spirits are resurrected, God moves in, as it were, and all that he is lives in us. We get to share in his divine nature, and it feels awesome! It feels like how life is supposed to feel.

Now, I’m not convinced anyone has managed to live completely free of their personality while still on Earth. Jesus doesn’t count because, at least in my current view of things, he didn’t have a personality. Because he did not experience the sin nature of the Fall, his mind did not fragment and flail about like everyone else’s does in childhood – which leads to the formation of personality. My strongest argument thus far for this point is that personality is based on the idea of lack, and for Jesus to feel a sense of lack would mean that he believed a fundamental lie about himself and about God. And that just doesn’t make any theological sense!

So, being an optimistic Type, or perhaps because I have witnessed a certain degree of transformation in my self and in others, hope springs eternal. Hope enables me to continue on this path that will one day lead me to my true self. I can let go of the egoic notion that I must achieve this during the Earth phase of my existence and trust the natural rhythm of my particular path. However long it takes, I know that the end point is the meeting of the true me that God has been waiting for the rest of me to meet. He may be more excited about it than I am.

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