What Does It Mean to Be Your Best Self?

“I was not at my best in that moment.”

“Bring your best self.”

We have a notion that we have two selves: the one that we would like to be all the time and the one that we are most of the time.

This idea comes from several places. Each of us has an Inner Critic that is quick to point out our failures to live up to its impossible standards. Occasionally, it rewards us for being “good,” too. Family and culture values also weigh in on whether our behavior measures up.

And then there’s our faith. Christianity is fundamentally a belief that we could never measure up to God’s perfection, and so God stepped into our shoes and was perfect on our behalf. How ironic, then, that this grace-based system is so often reduced to a moral code of do’s and don’ts.

However, part of this “best self” notion is legitimate. When we are present, feeling peaceful and supported, something rises in us. It’s a version of ourselves that we were born to be, and it feels like home. That is our highest self.

Each personality type on the Enneagram has its own version of a highest self. Riso & Hudson, in their excellent book, The Wisdom of the Enneagram, describe what that looks like. I’ll paraphrase their insights below.

Type One – The Perfectionist is able to let go of trying to be perfect, and being frustrated all the time, and lets go of the judging role. They share their wisdom, acceptance and inherent nobility with the world – an effortless expression of God’s holiness.

Type Two – The Helper gets free of the idea that they can’t acknowledge their own needs. As they care for themselves, they can love others without expectation of reciprocity or gratitude. They express God’s unconditional love with humility and joy.

Type Three – The Achiever stops relying on external validation for their sense of worth, discovering their true heart’s desire in the process. This lets them be genuine, feel their own inherent value and manifest God’s quality of excellence.

Type Four – The Individualist is able to let go of the belief that he or she is more flawed than others, which allows them to escape self-absorption. They find their true selves and their significance, freed to release their redemptive and revelatory gifts.

Type Five – The Investigator stops believing he or she is an observer separated from the world and engages the world with confidence. Knowing themselves to be capable and confident, they offer God’s compassion and wisdom to the world.

Type Six – The Loyal Skeptic gets free of needing guidance from external sources and finds his or her inner guidance. Experiencing security and support, Sixes become serene and exhibit heroic courage and God’s trait of steadfastness.

Type Seven – The Enthusiast, when able to let go of the idea that they need external stimuli to feel satisfied, can fully digest their experiences and find satisfaction at last. They effortlessly exchange gluttony for contentment with what they have, becoming appreciative and manifesting God’s character quality of sober joy.

Type Eight – The Challenger releases the need to always be in control of their surroundings, which enables them to lower their defenses and reveal their hearts in genuine vulnerability. Their big hearts then allow them to become both magnanimous and forgiving, revealing God’s mercy.

Type Nine – The Peacemaker, when freed of the limiting idea that their presence goes unnoticed and unneeded, can truly connect with themselves and their own desires. They inhabit their own lives in a powerful way, becoming both dynamic and serene as they exhibit God’s aspect of peace.

You don’t get to your highest self by forcing the issue. You can’t look at a list of qualities and magically decide to take them on; would that it were so!

What you can do is take the longer, more difficult and determined road of self-knowing. The Enneagram is a roadmap to your true self, and it’s a journey you don’t take in a day. But it’s a journey worth taking if you want to become your truest, highest self – the self that God intended you to be.

I created a course, Know Yourself to Know God, to help you on this journey. You can check it out here, and you’ll get a sneak peek at my new website while you’re there! I’ll be officially launching it, and a new program, soon.

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