Opinions, Compassion and the Enneagram

Just when I’m wondering what my next blog post will be about, the worldful of human personality steps in and gives me material.

Today I saw a post on LinkedIn about the letter that outgoing President Bush left for incoming President Clinton. The poster left a short comment on the need for this kind of civility to return to government. There were two responses. One said, “That’s cool!” The other said, “This is Facebook material. It has no place on LinkedIn.”

Quick: how did you react to the comments above? Hold on to that reaction; we’ll talk about it in a minute.

Here’s my reaction. I also thought the post was cool, so when I read the second comment, I got really offended! I thought, “Who died and made you the LinkedIn police? Jerk.”

And then my Enneagram training kicked in, and I pulled back, recognizing my error. Because, after all, whose opinion gets to win here – the second commenter’s or mine? Which of us in our reactive moment held the higher ground?

Of course, these are rhetorical questions; neither of us wins the opinion battle. Each of us reacted exactly as our personality patterns demanded. In fact, each of us committed the same wrong: we denied another’s right to say whatever they want. In so doing, we operated on the fundamental assumption that our way of thinking was best. In short, we denigrated the person we were addressing.

And just as I wrote that, I heard my Inner Critic say, “Well, at least I didn’t write my opinion down; it just stayed in my head.” A perfect example of how much we want to be right! Or smarter, or holier, or more attractive, or kinder – in some way better than other people.

Because we, at our core, believe that we need to be better so that we will be worthy of love, and we are also desperately afraid that we aren’t. So our Inner Critic takes over for us to protect our fragile importance, opinions are formed and the rest is history.

This is the nature of fallen humanity. So don’t feel bad about this, and don’t let your Inner Critic feed you the lie, “I’M not like that.” Yes, you are. And so is everyone. But there is a way out.

The primary way, of course, is a revelation of the kindness of God. I wish that were enough, but it just doesn’t seem to be. That revelation can save us and change our character over time, but I’ve been a Christian for more than 40 years and am still full of opinions that do no emanate from the heart of God.

So, the second way out is knowledge of the Enneagram, which creates awareness of your particular personality type. It gives you tools to notice your behavior patterns in action and helps you understand why you see the world through a certain lens. This awareness fosters compassion for yourself and others and, eventually, fewer other-denigrating opinions.

Now, think again about how you reacted to those LinkedIn comments. Give yourself grace if you need to, give the other person grace if you need to and learn the Enneagram if you haven’t yet. Also, you can read my earlier posts on opinions and why being special is overrated.

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