How Personality Influences How We Pray, Part 1

Among the many instincts that humans possess, three rule supreme: the Self-Preservation, Sexual and Social instincts. I’ve written in more depth on the Instincts here, so I’ll sum up now by saying that all people have all three—just as all people have all nine Enneagram types—but one dominates and one is a “blind spot” that tends to be neglected.

Working on the premise that personality affects every aspect of our lives and yet is not who we actually are, I want to explore how our dominant instinct colors our prayer life.

Self-Preservation types focus on material needs and security in their lives, and this focus is projected onto others in prayer. As a Self-Pres Seven, for instance, I find myself praying for others’ health and safety quite often. It’s not the only thing I pray about, to be sure, but it’s definitely top of mind – as are finances. People who are dominant in this instinct are drawn to healing ministries and those that assist the poor as well, since they meet physical needs.

Sexual types desire deep connection, and they often have a pioneering spirit. They are passionate people, like King David, a man who ran after God’s heart. These people find it easiest of the three types to encounter God deeply, immersively and intimately; they are, in a sense, God’s lovers. Some Sexual types have vision to push the boundaries and pray BIG prayers.

Social types are focused on the good of the community or the larger world. Their awareness flows toward the other. They are most naturally drawn to intercession and to prayer groups. Their prayer is often focused on causes, movements and people groups. Because of their emphasis on social bonds, they will often pray about relationships as well.

In no way is this post intended to mean that any of these instincts or emphases are invalid. We need food, water and shelter; we need passion and intimacy in our lives; we need healthy relationships. The point is to begin to understand the pervasive influence that our personality type has on literally every area of our lives – and how it can make us blind to a fuller experience of life. In this case, how personality can keep us from seeing all that a person or situation might need and from praying holistically.

Jesus prayed from all three of these instincts. I think of him as the world’s only complete human, meaning that he lived from his true self, without the brokenness of ego. I like the way Russ Hudson puts it; he refers to Jesus as “the one who never forgot himself,” harkening back to Gurdjieff’s notion of the personality as “self-forgetting.” He prayed for his society [Matt. 23:37], for relationships [John 17:20-21] and for physical needs [Matt. 6:11]. He is our model for praying the heart of God without personality muddying the waters.

So, take a look at the three instincts above again. Which seems most like you? Least like you? My challenge to you, and to myself, is to try to bring the two instincts that are not dominant into your prayer life. Don’t know your dominant instinct? I recommend taking the Enneagram Institute’s Instinctual Variants Questionnaire ($8.00). It’s one of several great tools for further self-understanding.

Next week, we’ll look at how the three Centers of personality—head, heart and gut—influence prayer.

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